January 13, 2007, Matthew Cochrane, Christian Fellowship and the Taming of the Tongue
If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one’s religion is useless.
James 1:26
But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.
James 3:8
This week I was officially hired by a local police department to be a police officer. I have worked for this agency for almost a year as a Community Service Aide and I was thrilled to hear I could continue my career there as an officer. This is a great opportunity and I am definitely looking forward to starting the police academy later this month. Unfortunately, this bit of news was soured a bit by the action of a coworker. It seems that another employee of the same municipality started a rumor about me in a possible effort to keep me from attaining this promotion. I was deeply hurt by this false accusation and it reminded me how devastating gossip can be to the soul who’s on the suffering end of it, especially when it’s false.
Since I recently read and
reviewed Life Together by the German martyr
Dietrich Bonhoeffer, these thoughts were already fresh on my mind and I thought I would share some of these timeless lessons. It’s sad, really, how Christians have almost accepted gossip as a part of life, even in the church. Scripture makes it clear that church life was never meant to consist of such a low and carnal disposition.
Before we move on, though, let’s define our terms. After all, gossip can mean many different things to different people. Here are the first two definitions American Heritage Dictionary lists for the word “gossip” when it is used as a noun:
1) Rumor or talk of a personal, sensational, or intimate nature.
2) A person who habitually spreads intimate or private rumors or facts.
First, it is clear that idle talk can still be gossip even if it’s true. If it’s a private matter involving another person, you probably shouldn’t be saying it. Second, I think it’s safe to say it’s not gossip if you’re sharing news of your best friend being promoted or bragging about how cute your grandson is. Those are not really “personal” or “intimate” and I don’t think that kind of conversation should be chalked up as gossip.
Now that we’ve defined our terms, I would like to quote Bonhoeffer. Dietrich Bonhoeffer operated an underground church and seminary in Nazi Germany until he was executed in a concentration camp, mere weeks before the war was over. While he was living in that close-knit Christian community he penned Life Together, a book on Christian fellowship. This excerpt speaks directly to the topic at hand:
Often we combat our evil thoughts most effectively if we absolutely refuse to allow them to be expressed in words. It is certain that the spirit of self-justification can be overcome only by the Spirit of grace; nevertheless, isolated thoughts of judgment can be curbed and smothered by never allowing them the right to be uttered, except as a confession of sin…He who holds his tongue in check controls both mind and body (James 3:2). Thus it must be a decisive rule of every Christian fellowship that each individual is prohibited from saying much that occurs to him. This prohibition does not include the personal word of advice and guidance…But to speak about a brother covertly is forbidden, even under the cloak of help and goodwill; for it is precisely in this guise that the spirit of hatred among brothers always creeps in when it is seeking to create mischief.
He states straight up that we should not say much of what’s on our mind! How often do we hear people justify their words by saying something like, “I’m just speaking my mind” or “I call it like I see it” or, my personal favorite, “I’m just being honest.” Like saying something to that effect will justify anything we say. Not hardly! Controlling our tongue is hard and difficult but God commands us to do so.
Bonhoeffer also sees through our pathetic attempts to inquire about someone under the pretence of being concerned for the other person’s welfare when all we really want to know is the “scoop” on what happened. We’ve all been there. We all do it. And it’s wrong. Bonhoeffer says this “must be a decisive rule of every Christian fellowship.” All too often we wonder what’s wrong with our churches and it’s becoming clear that the answer might very well be us! This idle chatter and conversation is not nearly as harmless as we pretend it to be. Rather, its sinister nature has the capability of destroying a church’s fellowship.
Here are a few of the places where the Bible addresses this sort of thing:
You sit and speak against your brother;
You slander your own mother’s son.
These things you have done, and I kept silent;
You thought that I was altogether like you;
But I will rebuke you,
And set them in order before your eyes. (Psalm 50:20,21)
Do not speak evil of one another, brethren. He who speaks evil of a brother and judges his brother, speaks evil of the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is one Lawgiver, who is able to save and to destroy. Who are you to judge another? (James 4:11-12)
Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. (Eph. 4:29)
Surely, the Lord does not take it lightly when we judge one another, slander one another, or speak negatively of one another.
Bonhoeffer goes on to say that amazing things can begin to happen within the Christian community when these simple rules are followed. He wrote:
Where this discipline of the tongue is practiced right from the beginning, each individual will make a matchless discovery. He will be able to cease from constantly scrutinizing the other person, judging him, condemning him, putting him in his particular place where he can gain ascendancy over him and thus doing violence to him as a person. Now he can allow the brother to exist as a completely free person, as God made him to be. His view expands and, to his amazement, for the first time he sees, shining above his brethren, the richness of God’s creative glory. God did not make this person as I would have made him. He did not give him to me as a brother for me to dominate and control, but in order that I might find above him the Creator. Now the other person, in the freedom with which he was created, becomes the occasion of joy, whereas before he was only a nuisance and an affliction. God does not will that I should fashion the other person according to the image that seems good to me, that is, in my own image; rather…God made this person in His image…
Strong and weak, wise and foolish, gifted or ungifted, pious or impious, the diverse individuals in the community, are no longer incentives for talking and judging and condemning, and thus excuses for self-justification. They are rather cause for rejoicing in one another and serving one another.
Wise words and ones we would do well to remember the next time we are tempted to say anything about a fellow brother or sister in Christ that is not motivated out of the utmost love for that person. I firmly believe that if Christians were more disciplined with their tongues than we would experience far greater intimacy and closeness within our churches.
I write this not to motivate any sympathy or pity for me. Indeed, I got the job I was after as my coworker’s attempts were unsuccessful. Trust me, this post is directed at my own actions as much as anybody else's. It is so easy to let our tongues wag incessantly about our fellow brothers and sisters, yet so deadly. So next time you want in on the latest rumor or juicy story remind yourself of that…and it probably would not be a bad idea to keep your mouth shut.
